“Portal of Wonder”
Honoring the magic of childhood
“In every adult, there is a child who wants to play.”
– Carl Jung
Who’s Really Running the Show? How the Inner Child Shapes our Lives, our Leadership and Our Future
Last night, I went to a going-away party for a wonderful human being leaving a workplace that had become toxic—another casualty of a leader with a profound lack of emotional intelligence. Sadly, we see this theme play out over and over in nations, corporations, organizations, even families over years, decades, and centuries.
Sometimes, being a therapist is rough. It’s hard not to see things, not to recognize the pain beneath the surface and think, If only this leader would stop and heal themselves, maybe things could be better. I’ve witnessed such profound breakthroughs in my office—people committed to doing healing work after realizing, often for the first time, how their childhood wounds still shape the way they lead, love, and live.
This was already on my mind when, a few nights ago, I found myself sitting alone at a restaurant. My husband was out of town, and I indulged in a small act of self-care—dining out with my ever-steady companion, my journal. As I wrote, I glanced up and noticed a youngish early 40 something mother sitting nearby. She was dressed to the casual nines—branded ski jacket, Ugg boots, Louis Vuitton purse, designer sunglasses perched atop her head. But what caught my attention wasn’t her outfit—it was her complete disconnection from the boy sitting across from her.
Her son, maybe nine or ten years old, was glued to his handheld game, eyes locked on the screen. She was equally entranced—by the basketball game playing on the restaurant’s TV. The only words she spoke to him were, “Put that down when the food comes.” When it did, he didn’t. She gave up. He barely touched his meal before they left, taking most of it to go.
I bit my tongue from making a sarcastic remark—Oh, what a lovely mother-son night out!—but my heart hurt too much for judgment. For him. For her. Instead, I thought, There goes a future video game/ porn addict. It sounds harsh, but I know too well how young boys, around this very age, get hooked on screens, dopamine loops, and eventually, the darker corners of the internet. I wondered: How much of a chance does he have to be properly attached, emotionally connected, to feel truly seen?
Minutes later, the waiter reset the table for a new pair—a father and his young daughter about the same ages as the first duo. The contrast was striking. He was a working-class man, grease under his nails, hair in need of a trim, worn sweatshirt and jeans. He gave me a warm smile and hello when he saw me observing them, but the moment he sat down, he beamed at his daughter. He asked about her day, her test tomorrow, what she wanted to eat. They leaned toward each other. She glowed under his attention.
I didn’t worry about this girl. She was connected. Adored. Secure.
Who’s Running the Show?
That restaurant moment, like the toxic workplace going away party, was a microcosm of something much bigger: the way our unhealed inner child runs the show.
We see it in leadership all the time. A politician, unable to handle dissent, reacts like a child whose toy was just taken away. A CEO, desperate for approval, builds a culture of fear rather than collaboration. A social movement leader, meant to inspire, crumbles under criticism instead of adapting with wisdom. These behaviors aren’t just personality quirks; they’re childhood wounds acting out on the world stage. And when a wounded child is running the show, the results are often disastrous.
But before we go down that rabbit hole and point fingers, let’s turn inward. What about our own inner child? How often do we respond to stress, rejection, or failure with defensiveness, withdrawal, or people-pleasing? The truth is, our unhealed wounds don’t just influence individual lives—they shape entire societies.
The Inner Child: An Ancient and Universal Metaphor
The idea of the inner child isn’t new. Across cultures and religions, the child represents both wounding and the potential for rebirth. In mythology, the “divine child” appears as a symbol of new beginnings—think of the Christ child in Christianity, Krishna in Hinduism, or Horus in Egyptian mythology. Even modern psychology embraces this idea, with inner child work being central to trauma healing, creativity, and personal transformation.
When unhealed, this child within us cries out, demanding attention in ways that distort our relationships and decision-making. But when nurtured, the inner child becomes a force of wonder, intuition, and deep connection.
Healing the Inner Child: Four Ways to Shift from Wound to Light
So, how do we move from reacting through our wounds to leading through our light? Here are four powerful ways to engage your inner child for healing:
1. Listen to Their Voice
Set aside time for quiet reflection. Journal about a moment when you felt rejected, unseen, or afraid as a child. What did that younger version of you need at that moment? How does that unmet need show up in your life today? When we listen, we can begin to reparent ourselves with compassion.
2. Play Like You Once Did
Creativity is the language of the inner child. Dance, paint, make music, or just be silly. Play breaks the rigid patterns of adulthood and invites in curiosity and joy. If you’ve been feeling stuck or uninspired, your inner child may simply be waiting for permission to express.
3. Speak to Yourself with Kindness
Notice how you talk to yourself when you make a mistake. Is it harsh? Critical? Try speaking as you would to a scared child: “It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re doing your best.” The way we parent our inner child now determines whether they trust us enough to step into the light.
4. Create Safe Connection
The wounded child fears rejection, but healing happens in safe, loving relationships. Seek out friendships, mentors, or even therapists who nurture your growth rather than trigger old wounds. True connection teaches the inner child that they are worthy and loved.
Who’s Running Your Life?
As you read this, ask yourself: In moments of stress, who’s really in charge—my wise, grounded self, or the child who still longs for safety and approval?
Imagine a world where leaders, parents, and communities lead not from their wounds, but from their healed selves and whole inner child—curious, open-hearted, and full of possibility.
Healing is possible. It starts within. And when enough of us do this work, we won’t just change ourselves—we’ll change the world.
What About You?
Have you noticed your inner child running the show at times? What’s one step you can take today to bring them back into the light?
✨ Reconnect with Your Inner Child ✨
I’m thrilled to share Module #8 of Mining Inner Wisdom: Connecting with Your Inner Child!
Step through the “Portal of Wonder” to heal and reclaim the parts of you that shape your emotions, self, and life. This journey isn’t just personal—it transforms the world around us.
