“Technology is my nemesis.”
“Who’s to claim its genesis?”
“From Edison to Zuckerberg, Bill Gates to Steve Jobs.”
Words of protest appeared in my mind a few weeks ago when I was struggling with yet another technology glitch. My Zoom icon had disappeared from the bottom of my screen, and it asked me to create a new account for the third time that day. Need I explain more? You know the deal. I pretty much forgot the ditty once zoom loaded, but it floated across my mind again this week as I navigated a particularly frustrating situation with my daughter. She had just bought a new phone online because her old, and very expensive, phone had “run out of storage,” and was malfunctioning in other ways. Silently swearing at modernity’s planned obsolescence, we accepted our fate – an upgrade.
I am a bit embarrassed to admit just how much my blood boiled with frustration after two hours of navigating the computer, texts to verify my identity, and calls to the cell phone company referring me back to the texts.
I love my daughter, and as the “authorized account holder,” I wanted to fix this problem. I found myself speaking harshly to the Siri-like voice on the company’s automated answering service sort of hoping she’d tell me to “chill out”, and never did reach a human. I apologized to my husband for the ambient irritation I brought to the airwaves of our home that night.
The next day, I was back at it and finally reached a human at a store. I tried to be nice. I took a breath and apologized ahead of time that I was very frustrated. It seemed that maybe I had worked out a solution, but the next day my daughter was met with the same loop when she tried to complete the deal. She put in her own two hours as well and shared that she felt a bit crazy from the ordeal.
Crazy…yes, crazy. Isn’t that what we often feel when we are overcome by adrenaline, thwarted by the technology that was supposed to save us time that forces us to lose time? To make matters worse, we can judge ourselves over our own reaction if we’re not careful. Fortunately, my daughter and I laughed, shared some choice emoji’s, validated each other, agreed she would go to the store the next day, and that we would both file complaints. Companionship always eases such stress.
It got me thinking…about boundaries once again…and the difference between compassion and fierce compassion.
How do we deal with the frustrations of technology and modern life with a sense of compassion for ourselves and others caught in the loop, but also seek empowerment, and justice? Is it reasonable that we pay thousands of dollars a year for our plan and can’t talk to a rep? I think the only way we’re going to make the world a better place is to stand up…when we can…with as much compassion with the humans representing technology as possible, but adding a twist…fierce compassion regarding the injustice of such poor customer service. Saying it like it is, writing letters of protest, filing complaints where we can, and making sure we get politicians in office who will regulate industries to hold them accountable to the consumer.
In Today’s Hectic and Stress-Filled World….
Understanding the nuances between compassion and fierce compassion is essential. Compassion involves empathy and a desire to alleviate suffering, while fierce compassion adds a layer of assertiveness and boundary-setting. As our lives become more complex and stressful, the ability to balance these two aspects can significantly impact our well-being and relationships. The fierce compassion piece can be very challenging for people plagued by unresolved trauma. To stay emotionally regulated while speaking our minds can be a great challenge. Besides learning clear steps to asserting ourselves (I’ll tackle that in a future blog), we can start by calming ourselves…
Quick Steps to Reset the Nervous System when technology fails us…
Mindful Breathing: Slow, deep breaths can help calm the nervous system. Inhale deeply through the nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through the mouth. Repeat several times. Grounding Techniques: Engage your senses to bring yourself into the present moment. Focus on the feeling of your feet on the ground, the texture of an object, or the sounds around you. (Just don’t have your phone in your hand).
Physical Movement: Gentle exercise, such as stretching, yoga, or a short walk, can help release tension, improve mood, and remind you life is bigger than your cell phone.
Connection with Nature: Spend time outdoors, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Nature has a soothing effect on the nervous system. (You may want to leave your cell phone at home). Self-Compassion: Practice kindness towards yourself. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and remind yourself that it’s okay to struggle with technology. It can be frustrating…
Dropping into the Heart
When dealing with challenging situations, it’s essential to shift from a state of frazzled reactivity to one of compassion. Here are ways to drop into the heart:
Heart-Focused Breathing: Place your hand on your heart and breathe deeply, imagining your breath flowing in and out of your heart space. This can help foster a sense of calm and connection.
Gratitude Practice: Reflect on things you are grateful for, no matter how small. Gratitude can shift your focus from stress to appreciation.
Empathy: Try to understand the other person’s perspective. Recognize that the person on the other end of the phone or email is also doing their best under challenging circumstances.
Taking Action and Advocacy
Fierce compassion involves not only understanding and empathy but also taking action against unfair policies and practices. Here’s how to engage constructively:
Advocacy: Speak out against unfair practices and support policies that promote fairness and justice.
Community Support: Share your experiences with others, not as complaints, but as calls for support and change. Collective voices can drive significant improvements.
Seeking Help: Don’t hesitate to ask for help when feeling overwhelmed. Recognize when your nervous system needs support and reach out to friends, family, or professionals.
I really don’t want to forever conclude that technology is my nemesis, but I do want to claim how challenging it can be to all of us. It’s often part of the ambient stress that clients come into my office with as they attempt to heal old wounds…In these times of rapid change and constant challenges, developing both compassion and fierce compassion is essential. By learning to reset our nervous systems quickly, dropping into our hearts, and taking proactive steps to advocate for fairness, we can navigate stress more effectively. Moreover, recognizing the impact of trauma on ourselves and others can foster a more compassionate and supportive community. Let’s strive to own our moments of dysregulation and support each other in finding balance and peace.
We’re all going through it….together we can face and maybe even make some new friends in this digital age.
Hmmmm…
Technology has its relevance… boosting our intelligence…????
